50 Shades of Grey Review- Spoilers so you better have read the book like I have

It was an entertaining film. I am surprised it was as precise to the book as it was. I was even more surprised how much I enjoyed it.

I am glad it got rid of some of the nonsense like ‘inner goddess’ and ‘long fingers’. Also silliness like no email or computer/desktop/laptop in the new millennium; which is ridiculous. At least here in America for a college student.

That is a direct result of not being Ana’s thoughts like the book. Getting rid of Ana’s narration did not change the film’s perspective because it focused on what is happening to Ana. Plus it would have been difficult to accomplish keeping Ana’s voice since, I believe, Dakota Johnson is in every scene. An additional commentary would have been overkill.

Dakota Johnson did a very good job being naïve which is what the character calls for. Ms. Johnson nailed the performance while still bringing sunshine to the role. Ms. Johnson is naïve without being stupid. I was fully engaged in learning all that I could about the character which was a fresh point of view. Plus her expressions more than told what she was thinking throughout the film. What she couldn’t say with her eyes, because she was blindfolded, she communicated with her body language. This is a high level of acting. Not just dialogue but also being able to convey a message with actions.

Christian is in fact all fifty shades of fucked up. His character is done well by Jamie Dornan almost as an anti-hero since we don’t see any of the other three villains in the trilogy. Not sure I really care why though he is that way though because Mr. Dornan is almost too standoffish. Ana is very likeable but Christian is mostly just a prick. Since there are no other physical villains (Mrs. Robinson is mentioned as are the 15 submissives in an impossibly short 6 years); Christian substitutes for the antagonist.

Some aspects of the story were sacrificed like her Seattle job which seems to have been written out completely. Since Ana is not rich like everyone else in the story that is a weird deletion. But they focus so much more on the love story.

These various plot points were probably sacrificed for factors like 1. time, 2. money saved since they didn’t need a full set that only would be used a few times this film but multiple times in the next two films also 3. provides flexibility to tell a better story with a wider audience in the sequels.

The opulence of the characters, scenery and story is missing from Jose Rodriguez. Jose is an oddball in this story. He truly does not fit. Moreover Jose didn’t have a chance with Ana sadly. Ana disregards him for years and is totally turned on by a rich guy. Equally though Jose seems to have squandered all his prior opportunities. Still it sucks so much to see that a regular guy like Jose does not even have a chance. While these circumstances are probably true to life it is sad to see nonetheless.

Kate was well played by Eloise Mumford. Still her role has been reduced here. The love story has pushed Kate out of Ana’s live. Just seems like a waste though since Ana’s best friend would/should probably play a bigger role in her life. Especially since they live together in two places. The other characters were truly background “flavor” to the tension between Ana and Christian. The main reason to lose the plot points; the focus was squarely on the relationship.

The sex scenes had sizzle. I was surprised and relieved that the ‘little grey=long finger’ did not make an appearance. But I am a guy and that is a basic guy response. The two main stars still managed plenty of story appropriate nudity. Viewers should be itching [or twitchy palmed -ha-ha] to try Safe, Sane, Consensual (SSC) or Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) play similar to what is in the film.

First they should know what those acronyms mean though.

And they need to know that nothing nearly as elaborate as the Red Room is needed to have some fun. I mean I have made a spreader bar out of PVC pipe and screw eyes. I think my True Value/Lowe’s/Home Depot bills was under $15 with velcro cuffs as well.

Sad that the negative aspects of impact play is what comes out in the film. As well as sadism masking as domination were still present. [Remember that Marquis de Sade spent half his adult life in prison].

However in real RACK/BDSM; safety is the first priority and make sure you know how to use what you are using. Before you use it. Read before you act.

Remember: Keep the scissors ready and handy.

And unbeknownst to crappy romance writers and most hardware worker; cable ties are horrible for restraint. This is why they aren’t used by law enforcement despite the economic advantages.

This movie is not instructional. Definitely not for BDSM; which is shown in its worst light. There are plenty of BDSM aspects which as harmful to participants. It is close to criminal for the “dominants” as well. It is not instructional. Anyone who is curious should consult the web before engaging in RACK.

Problem is it is even less instructional for relationships, since these two are non-functional and non-committal people. I mean neither of the main character has ever been in a relationship. Ana has barely if ever kissed a boy. Let alone a man who actually knows what a relationship is. And Christian has no idea what a real relationship is even though he was raised by two highly functionally and rich people. What? But honestly neither Ana nor Christian is ready for a relationship. Neither would understand would make it work. But off they go nonetheless.

Both Ana and Christian do a horrible job at being intimate. Essentially this is the first for both to this level of intimacy seeing how both are not used to working with another person. Christian’s obsessive behavior is the oil to Ana’s naivety which is the water.

The ending was appropriate and close to the book ending. But daring. I will be interested to see if they will make the entire trilogy and take the chance to improve on the trilogy’s nonsensical ending.

There are ridiculous stories coming out. Like this one:

I mean; the level and amount of sex goes down markedly throughout the series. These reports make Amelia Warner seem not as smart as the casual reader [which I doubt]. Because not only does the amount of sex decrease for the sequels but also the movie had a lot less sex than the book had.

But after Charlie Hunnam backed out of the original, I cannot see how the producers signed anyone on without a contract for the sequels.

Just a short aside; I do not think that either Matthew Bomer or Alexis Bledel ever [EVER] tried to get either of the main roles. First off, they are both far too old for either role. And no one has proof either of them wanted to be in this film. Yes, shocker; although the internet wants something that doesn’t mean it will actually happen. So sad.

OK, I have gone a little tangent to the real review. I enjoyed the film. I look forward to DVD release. I look forward to seeing it again but not likely in a movie theater.

Good Start. Let us see what develops from here. E.L. James; your move Madam.

Dominance and Submission (vol 1)

I'm labeling this as volume one because I'm sure that, as I think more about this, I'll have more to say, things to add or things I've changed my mind on. But this is what I have for now.

First of all, let me say that I currently consider myself a switch, and a novice as both a Domme and a submissive, in the realm of BDSM. I have a decent, and growing, amount of theoretical knowledge and I'm cautiously attempting to get real life experience, though, as I'm not involved in any BDSM communities, real world or online, I'm not always sure I'm doing it right.

I've always been interested in BDSM. I think it kinda started when I was a kid, sneaking peeks at the USA cable network show Silk Stalkings, when no one was in the room. I can't really separate when I started being curious about sex from when I started being curious about homosexuality and when I started being curious about BDSM. My earliest sex games as a kid included kidnapping and force scenarios.

Like most things in my life, because I was taught from an early age to be independent, self-reliant, and assertive, I ended up on the dominant end of things. Another part of probably has to do with the fact that a a female being dominant over a male is somewhat fetishized in mainstream vanilla culture, thus making it a more acceptable fantasy for a hetrosexual couple to explore without feeling like perverts. Or it could just have been that I was with someone who was lazy and, when I wanted to explore other sexual things, he was more than happy to just get tied up and have me do things to him.

Then again, I guess that was better than my next partner, who made me feel like a pervert for what I wanted. By that time, I knew that I wanted to explore being sexually submissive and masochistic. I was finally connecting the fantasies that I'd always gotten off to, in which I was sexually submissive and/or masochistic, to actual sexual acts that I wanted to pursue and explore. But expressing that to my partner didn't go over very well. For various reasons, he equated a person wanting to be submissive and/or masochistic with someone just wanting to be hurt, randomly, without controls or purpose, by someone who must just be a mean, brutal, hateful person. It wasn't until that relationship ended and I stumbled upon a situation in which a friend of mine, who turned out to be sexually submissive as well, and I took turns being submissive, so that we would be able to explore anything at all, that I figured out that isn't what the actual experience of BDSM is at all. Or at least this isn't how it should be. I found that, when I took my turn being the dominant partner, I actually cared more for my friend, desired to protect and shield him more than I had before. But more on that later.

So, by the time I had these experiences with my friend, which started around January 2007, I firmly identified as a submissive and a masochist. What that meant to me was that I obtained sexual (and emotional) fulfillment from serving another, from being in bondage, from pain. I had ideas about things that I would like to try, but had very little experience. Thus, doing almost anything was pushing my limits, but I enjoyed this. As for why I enjoyed this, I have a couple hypothesis, but I'm not sure if any of them are right. I think a large part of it is that, in my daily life, I am, and am expected to be, assertive and in control, so I enjoy giving up that control to someone else. Obviously though, I only give up control to people I trust and in situations that I trust. So it's a controlled lack of control, like a horror movie or a rollercoaster. As someone who has been in sexual situations where what happened truly was out of my control and knowing the trauma of that, I definately draw a distinction between the two experiences, but, as I've heard Dr. Drew say on Loveline, there can be something pleasurable drawn from re-experiencing at least a part of that trauma in a situation that is in one's control. Whatever the reason, it felt natural to be sexually submissive and masochistic and I spent time exploring that in various ways, including educating myself as well as attempting to get real life experience.

Being Dominant, however, did not come naturally to me. But I have come around to it. My early forays into dominance were just vanilla play, nothing more. While I was being submissive and attempting to explore that, I came across a great many men who were submissive and/or wanted to be submissive. As I developed a friendship last fall with a male submissive, who had even less experience than I did and was a bit younger than me, I wanted him to both experience being submissive, as I had had the pleasure of doing recently, and to be protected from himself, to have an outlet for his submissive desires that I could trust. So I started to dominate him. At first, it was just play, as it still is to a certain extent, but I began to get a taste for it. I enjoyed the sense of control I had, the work and imagination that it took to be dominant, the pleasure that he got from completing a task or just from his continued submission. But it was still work and, despite my enjoyment, I still saw it as doing a favor for him, rather than a partnership. Also, this particular relationship occurred long-distance, through instant messenger and cell phone text messages. As of this day, I still have not had the pleasure of meeting this person, psuedonym Chimera, face to face, or of "playing" with this person face to face.

But soon, things would reach a new and different level. I started a very serious relationship with someone, only to find out, after I was too far in to easily extract myself, that he also felt himself to be more naturally submissive, though, also like me, had ended up being the dominant partner, especially sexually, in all previous relationships. But because of how I felt about this person, known on my blog as Boy Toy (BT for short), I opened myself up to attempting to be dominant to him. Because of what he wanted and his personality, his submission tended to be of the 24/7 variety. Unlike my reasons for wanting to be submissive, most of his reason for being submissive were rooted in a desire to please another person, to be of use to someone else in a way that would show his reverance for them. While we had limited sexual experiences in which he got to be submissive, all our time together, especially at the end, was rooted in him serving me, catering to my desires. I tried never to take this lightly and to always show my appreciation for what he was doing. Especially when we were with other people, I attempted to both show my gratitude for what he did, while also not letting it be known that it was anything other than just him being a very chivalrous and caring partner. I hope that I was sucessful in these efforts, but I suppose you would have to ask others. By the end of our time together, though, we were also getting to a place where I did not have to tell BT what to do, where he anticipated my needs and desires and fulfilled them, where he found ways to serve me that I hadn't asked for but that did please me.

But, in the spirit of "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone", I didn't realize how much I enjoyed the service and submission rendered by BT or Chimera until I was not getting them. While I still have an ongoing relationship with Chimera, my time and energy are currently more limited and I am not able to have the same level of interaction with him that I had previously. As for BT, the situation has changed and his submission now lays with another. Even if that weren't the case, however, he would not physically be serving me, which is something that I do sorely miss. But it is my realization that I miss this that leads me to identify as switch. While submission comes naturally to me and I still feel like I would like to be submissive in my primary relationship, I also know that I enjoy the power and responsibility that come with being a Dominant, though in both cases I tend to cater to what my partner likes. I do not dominate Chimera in the same ways that I dominated BT because they have different desires and needs, but the same can be said for how I am submissive. I know that this flexibility is not the case for everyone. Many people, whether Dominant or submissive, have very specific things that they must have, so it's usually best for kinksters to find someone specifically compatible to them, or at least someone who's repetoire includes their kink.

What I've found most interesting in my explorations in BDSM is how different people come to their roles, what they see those roles as, and what they get out of those roles, though I don't think that it even occured to me that there was a difference until I had very satisfying but wholly different experiences with two different male Doms. The one Dom obtained his pleasure from allowing himself to let go. He had a very animalistic, feral side of himself that he rarely let out, but that the very carnal, instictual act of sex easily brought out it him. When he did inflict pain on me, it was incidental to the rough, feral nature of our sexual experiences. The other Dom was much more about exerting control, making elaborate plans and executing them, pushing the limits of the other person, and didn't mind using tools, having something between him and his "victim". While the first Dom enjoyed the sense of release that being Dominant gave him, the latter Dom enjoyed the sense of control.

[meant to come back to this but never did. will publish as is anyway]