Sunday, September 21, 2008

Ava's Response to The Challenge

Here is what my ad said:
Headline: Sex Outside the Box
Looking for a man to explore alternative sexual outlets with. Must be honest and open, as I am very on both accounts. I am bi, switch, and open to sexual encounters with more than one partner at a time. It would be great if you were at least the last one, though some level of all three is best. And you should know what all three mean too. You must be ok with the fact that I am not single and will not be monogamous with you, though I will be as honest as you would like about my other partners, as you should be as well. Physically, I am 26 y/o, 5'5", cute and curvy with a few extra pounds, blue eyes, longer curly brown hair, pierced and tattooed. I am also intelligent, curious, outspoken, and caring. Your pic gets mine. I don't have any age, race, looks requirements, but we obviously must both be attracted to each other. You must also be mature, respectful, and not overly pushy. If you are interested in a pretty female playmate who wants to learn about your deepest, darkest desires and make them a reality, email me.

I am currently still e-mailing and IMing back and forth with maybe a dozen people, out of the 60-70 initial responses that I recieved.

First I would like to respond to a specific point that my male counterpart had made in his post. I didn't necessarily feel offended or more objectified than any woman in our society generally does by what he said, nor did I think he wanted to stuff and mount me for future generations of men to see. I have always been flattered when he asserted that I was special in this area. Sex is probably my favority hobby , followed a close second by (little r) relationships with other people. It's nice to have it confirmed by him that I am good at both of these things. But I felt like he thought I was SPECIAL and that, since he felt like no other women could be special in that way, he'd never really attempt to look for someone like me sexually and settle for less, which I don't want for him. And, even more than anything else, I guess I just got tired of his superiority when he spoke of it.

On to my results and analysis thereof. I did get quite a few responses. Many more than TyRoy. But that doesn't mean they were quality responses or even that they were responding specifically to my ad, but rather to a woman looking for sex without a commitment. I suppose I should have been more specific, but I wasn't because I didn't think I would get ANY responses at all, much less the sheer volume I recieved. As I said above, I'm still talking to about a dozen people, of the initial 60-70 responses that I recieved. Of those, only a couple of them really interest me. The rest I'm keeping an open mind on. But a great deal has surprised me about this experience. A great many of my views about men and sex have been confirmed, some of my ideas about females and couples have been flipped, and somethings have just flat out surprised me.

Things confirmed about men (at least men who visit craigslist) and ideas challenged about females/couples:
  • There are ALOT of married men online looking for sex and alot of married men with kids. They can be quite shameless about it as well. One man's email address was bobbyandsuesdad (names changed of course).
  • Even when you direct men not to be pushy, in your initial ad, they still will be. (Also see "not really reading the ad" above.) I stipulate public first meetings during hours when regular people are out and about, which may or may not lead to doing anything physical directly after the meeting or anytime in the future. But I'm always surprised by the number of people who don't get this. I also don't like it when someone pushes for a meet within the first few lines of your first IM conversation. I always make it clear that I want something ongoing and the things that I want take a bit of trust, so I'm not going to meet you without chatting with you a bit. So stop being so godsdamn pushy! I had one guy push for meetings whenever he'd catch me online, at 1 am and 5am, without a public meeting. I initially gave him some leeway because he was one of the few (self-proclaimed) experienced Doms who responded to my ad and I would like to continue to pursue that as well as other avenues. But it was just too much.
  • Surprisingly, it isn't just men. both of the couples who answered wanted the threesome to happen within a couple days, if not that very day. Fortunately, they agreed to putting off for a bit and having a public meeting first. But this pressure is what surprised me about the females and couples- the pressure and how fast they wanted to move. I know that few people want to play email tag forever but I'd also think that you'd want more time to scope out people, feel comfortable. I guess I thought that the females in these couples would be mroe cautious about bringing another female into their home and their bed. Obviously, I was wrong.

What just flat out surprised me wa sthe number of men who say they want to be submissive, who've participated in threesomes where there were two guys and one girl, and who want to get pegged. (Most of the time, these three things occur together.) I should probably quantify this with the evidence at least half of the men who say they want to be submissive don't mean it in the way I take submissive to mean. They may want to be submissive in that they want the female in charge and calling the shots for once. But my test to see if they mean it in the sense that I do is to direct them to get more informed on bdsm in general (common protocols, ways in which they might be asked to serve, etc) and then email me back with their thoughts on what they'd read. I have not gotten that response email back from the first two guys that I instructed to do this at this time. I'm giving the others a bit more time before I give up on them. I honestly just think that these guys just wanted a little (tame) slap and tickle with the woman in charge and to be pegged. Nothing wrong with that, per say, but I want something more from a submissive.

So I'm still weeding through what's left because I can't see everyone unless they all wanted to pitch in money for my upkeep, so I wouldn't have to get a real job.

And I think TyRoy is completely silly for dismissing a two women one man threesome as his prize just because he isn't looking for a steady girl right now. As he'd kindly give me a two male one female threesome experience if I requested one, I think it's only fair to try to do the same for him with bringing in another girl. She doesn't have to be a steady and we can present ourselves as a couple. But I guess, as it is his prize, he can have whatever he wants.

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